A live music event is like therapy for me. I find it overwhelmingly comforting to be surrounded by tens of thousands of strangers who gather to see the same band as me and seek the same feelings I seek. Anyone that knows me can attest to the fact that I've traveled across the world to see the bands that I love perform in beautiful and iconic venues. Seeing live music is a passion of mine. When I can make it happen I will go to great lengths to make it happen. So when I see such violent and atrocious acts as those that happened yesterday at the Ariana Grande concert in London I shudder at the thought that this truly could happen to any one of us at any time in any place. I think of my own experiences of being a young music fan when my parents allowed me to attend concerts with my friends. The children and teenagers that attended last night's concert most likely left one of their last days of school before summer to see their favorite pop star with their best friends and family members. They most likely were smiling ear to ear as they entered the arena, surrounded by thousands of people that were there for the same reason as them. They most likely purchased tour t-shirts and posters to memorialize the great time they had, excited to show them off to their friends in the months to come. But they most likely never thought that once the lights came back on in the arena after such a memorable night, as they were clearing out of the venue to return home, they would hear loud blasts and screams and witness the terror that ensued. Since the terrorist attacks in Paris in November of 2015 this has been something that has been in the back of my mind. At every Phish show I have walked into at Madison Square Garden or major festival I have attended since that attack there is a split second that I think "this could happen to us." But it is so easy to put it to the back of my mind and leave it there. When something like this happens it hits really close to home. As a music lover who finds solace in attending concerts and festivals I consider such experiences to be safe and happy ones. Am I now supposed to be scared for my safety when I go out to enjoy a moment away from the crazy world we live in? Now that I am marrying a musician who leaves for weeks at a time to tour all over the country, am I supposed to worry that this could happen where he is playing? Are we really supposed to submit to fear when it comes to the mundane activities that make our lives fulfilling and interesting? I can't help but imagine that the victims of this attack will be found to be mostly younger fans and that's what hurts the most. I think of the desperate parents and family members that stayed up all night waiting to hear news of their loved ones. It is truly heartbreaking. Undoubtedly, there are parents of young children and teenagers who will be entering into a stage of unimaginable grief that will most likely be with them for the remainder of their lives. My heart aches for those that lost a child, a brother, a sister, a friend. While there are no answers to why such heinous acts happen or to what we can do to prevent them what we do know is that there are people out there who only want to cause harm and pain. They have hate-filled hearts that won't stop at anything to create fear and terror. I hope that we continue to come together and support one another to prove that these attacks will not break us. In memory of those that lost their lives at the Manchester Arena and those that were injured in the attacks yesterday I will not let the fear and terror replace the love and sense of community that we build when we attend these events. I will continue to turn to strangers and exchange smiles and conversations about what we love about the bands we travel to see. And I know that at the next show I go to I will be thinking of them. xoxo. Alexandra

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